When Is It Acceptable to Ghost Someone?

Ghosting, abruptly ending communication with someone you’ve been interested in or dating, is a common and frustrating experience in modern dating. It can involve unmatching on apps, leaving messages unread, and making yourself unreachable. While ghosting can leave the ghosted person confused and hurt, the ghost can also feel guilt for their actions.

The lack of clear rules for what constitutes ghosting adds to the difficulty of the experience. It can occur at any stage of the relationship, from early chats to long-term dating. While communication is always preferable, there are times when ghosting may be the best choice.

People ghost for various reasons they perceive as justified. They may lack the time to communicate with everyone they match with on dating apps, or they may wish to avoid conflict. Ghosting is often the easiest solution, even if it’s not always the most considerate. However, taking a few minutes to let someone know you’re no longer interested can provide relief for both parties.

Despite complaints about being ghosted, a significant number of people admit to ghosting others. A 2023 survey found that 67% of those who have been ghosted have also ghosted others, perpetuating a cycle of ghosting. Millennials and Gen Z respondents reported even higher rates of being ghosted, suggesting that ghosting has become a pervasive part of dating.

However, not all ghosting is created equal. When someone is disrespectful or if you’re dealing with personal challenges that make dating a lower priority, ghosting may be necessary for self-protection. Dating app research indicates a high prevalence of harassment, with women and sexual minorities facing disproportionately higher rates.

You don’t have to continue communicating with someone who crosses your boundaries. It’s acceptable to unmatch, block, and report those who harass you. While informing the person about their inappropriate behavior is an option, ghosting can be a way to protect yourself from further harassment.

Sometimes, personal circumstances can lead to ghosting. In the podcast “Love is Blind,” the star “Timo” ghosted a contestant they were interested in due to personal challenges, including navigating a difficult work environment and grief for Palestinians in Gaza. While ghosting can be hurtful, “Timo” later reconnected with the person, apologized for their actions, and explained their reasons for ghosting. When dating becomes emotionally taxing, ghosting can be a way to focus on personal well-being. However, it’s essential to try to repair any relationships that may have been harmed by ghosting.

Ghosting can also occur due to a lack of momentum in the relationship. It’s common to encounter individuals who engage in extended online chats but never commit to meeting in person. After repeated attempts to transition the relationship offline, ghosting and blocking may be necessary to protect your time and energy.

Ghosting is a challenging experience, both for the ghoster and the ghosted. It’s tempting to simply advise against ghosting altogether. However, there are nuances to consider. Whether it’s to avoid future harm from a harasser or time-waster or to prioritize mental health or other commitments, ghosting can be justified. But if it’s simply a matter of informing someone you’re not interested, try to avoid contributing to the cycle of ghosting.