after25 years studying loneliness, i fear ai will make it far worse

(SeaPRwire) –   Artificial intelligence holds the power to enhance our lives significantly. However, after twenty-five years of investigating why human relationships give life purpose, I am concerned about our trajectory.

Americans are now more solitary, marrying at lower rates, and forming fewer friendships compared to past decades. The results are troubling: A 2025 survey by the American Psychological Association indicated approximately half of adults feel isolated, excluded, or short of companionship. Scholarly studies estimate that about 37% of Americans experience moderate to severe loneliness.

For the last quarter-century, I have examined what imbues human life with a sense of meaning—and the consequences when that feeling diminishes. My work on nostalgia, that wistful yearning for times gone by, uncovered a finding that surprised me: the memories people revisit most intensely are rarely about individual accomplishments. They concern other individuals. Receiving care. Being present for another person. Being part of something greater than oneself.

This research drew me further into the psychology of loneliness, as the two are closely linked. Loneliness frequently sparks nostalgia, and nostalgia uncovers the prerequisites for authentic connection: circumstances where we are significant to someone, and they to us. My findings show that Americans are not merely lacking social chances. They are forfeiting the foundational conditions for forming and sustaining genuine human relationships.

Today, influential tech leaders are proposing an alluring answer. Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg has suggested that AI can address people’s unfulfilled social desires. Many Americans are testing this concept. A report in the Harvard Business Review states that therapy and companionship is are now the primary application for generative AI, rising from the second spot the prior year. This sector is expanding quickly. Downloads and earnings have increased substantially, and new AI companion applications are emerging rapidly.

The attraction is clear. AI is perpetually accessible, affirming, and can generate a short-lived sense of being understood. Yet this perspective misconstrues the core of human sociality. It frames social connection as a commodity, something we obtain when others are free, attentive, and compassionate. Following that reasoning, a sophisticated chatbot ought to suffice. However, a socially rewarding life depends as much on our actions for others as on their actions for us. This explains why individuals can feel lonely even amid kind and supportive company.

My research indicates that our social essence is fundamentally existential, tied to our pursuit of meaning. In fact, more than 90% of Americans name relationships as a crucial source of meaning in their lives. The recollections people deem most meaningful predominantly focus on interdependent relationships—connections that demand we act for others.

Most importantly, we feel most satisfied when we believe we genuinely matter to other people. Regardless of how adeptly AI mimics social support, chatbots, unlike real humans, do not require us. They cannot confer significance upon our lives.

Meaningful social ties also involve an element of agency. A chatbot does not independently choose to be there for you. But when people do, it inspires you to reciprocate. Reflect on a story I remember. A journalist spoke with a mother at a free back-to-school event run completely by volunteers from area churches. The materials were helpful, she noted. But what resonated with her was the knowledge that strangers had willingly donated their time for her family, motivating her to contribute positively to others’ lives. This made her feel significant and less isolated.

Authentic social bonds integrate us into a larger whole, linking us to families, communities, institutions, and shared narratives that offer profound meaning. This is the understanding that, despite our mortality and finite time on earth, we have a meaningful part in a lasting human story.

Experimental data supports this. A recent study involved first-year university students—a group prone to loneliness—who were randomly assigned to exchange daily texts for two weeks with a specially designed AI chatbot, another student, or to just keep a journal. The chatbot was crafted to possess the traits of an ideal friend: active listening, emotional validation, and empathetic response. The human texting partner was a randomly chosen stranger, not a pre-existing friend.

Nevertheless, only the participants who texted with an actual human peer demonstrated a notable decrease in loneliness. Those who engaged with the chatbot reported loneliness levels statistically similar to those who only journaled. Other studies monitoring longer-term impacts reveal that using AI for companionship ultimately leads people to feel more secluded.

AI can be a formidable driver of human advancement. Yet it cannot replace human belonging. Our most profound social needs are not about on-demand support—they are about being important to the people who are important to us. The more we delegate this need to machines, the more we distance ourselves from the sole thing capable of truly satisfying it.